LETTER FROM A FARM KID

LETTER FROM A FARM KID

 (From the San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa,

Hi y'all. I am well. Hope you are. Tell brothers Ronnie Earl and Brother Tommy Lee the Marine Corps beats working for old man Calloway by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled up.
 
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Ronnie Earl and Tommy Lee all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. Gots' no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Man got to shave but it ain’t so bad cuz there's warm water.
 
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on beef flank, chops, taters, BBQ, pork side, grit, pie and other regular food, but tell Ronnie Earl and Tommy Lee you can always sit by the two city boys that live on only coffee and the baked breads. The city boys’ food plus yours holds you just right until noon when you get fed again and then you sit by the city boys again.  It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as the porch to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. It’s funny to see.
 
From what I see, the country is nice but awful flat.  The sergeant is like ours school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown, but they don't bother you none.
 
This next will kill Ronnie Earl and Tommy Lee with a buncha laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I ain’t lying none either, honest, but I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move tween the rocks and it ain't shooting back at you like the Jasper brothers back at home. All you got to do is lie there comfortable and hit it. Get this, you ain’t gotta even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
 
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting that biggin ole bull Tallulah back home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that big ole mound Tug Hageman from down over nearby Sewanee Lake way. I only beat him but once. He joined up bout the same time as me, but I'm but 5' 8" and 150 pounds and he's all of 6'3" and damn near 300 pounds all dry.
 
Be sure Mom and Dad to tell Ronnie Earl and Tommy Lee to get quick and join up on this deal before all the other fellers get onto it and come stampeding in.
 
Your loving daughter,
Charlotte May