Humour - Yuk-Yuk
Best Worst Country-Western Songs
It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day LongBilly Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to SearsI Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a DelicatessenIf I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me All My Exes Live in TexasSaddle Up the Stove, Ma, I'm Riding the Range TonightI Thought She Was Out Jogging, But She Was Running Around On MeIf the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me Not Calling You UpAll the Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me DownGet Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye(Pardon Me) I've Got Someone To KillPeel Me a NannerI Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night LongIf Love Were Oil, I'd be a Quart LowHer Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart was PureI Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go CrazyJust Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole my Girl, but the Car Don't Run,So I Figure We Got an Even Deal
Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My MindHer Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of MeOut Of My Head And Back In My BedYou're A Cross I Can't BearAt the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service PumpHow Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On YouIf I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By NowI Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With a Guy Like Me)I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To MeI'm Gettin' Gray From Being BlueIf You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?You Hurt The Love Right Out Of MeI Sat Down On a Beartrap (Just This Morning) I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love Mama, Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)Heaven's Just A Sin AwayShe Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My HeartI Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You
Were Looking Back at MeGuess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My HeartIf Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On YouKeep Forgettin' I Forgot About YouLiked You Better Before I Knew You So WellGave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go BowlingGoing to Hell in Your Heavenly ArmsIf Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For SureIt Ain't Love But It Ain't BadStill Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' BetterI Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd WinI've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your HeartShe Feels Like A New Man TonightI May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever RaisedIf Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory WillVelcro Arms, Teflon HeartIf You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You OffYou Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to BlueTouch Me With More Than Your HandsThe Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me"Do You Love As Good As You LookI'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon TonightWho's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time?When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking InMy Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to YouYou Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a LogAnd There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt OnHow Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My
Life?He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone PunkYou're the Reason Our Kids Are So UglyI Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About YouShe Got The Gold Mine and I Got The ShaftCome Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss HimI Changed Her Oil, She Changed My LifeDrop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of LifeThank God And Greyhound She's GoneDon't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Comin' in With a LoadIf You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who WillShe Got The Ring And I Got The FingerI've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare LineBubba Shot the JukeboxI Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin' for YouFour on the Floor and a Fifth Under the SeatShe Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and OfferGet Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In BedMy John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My HeartThanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With YouThey May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out
Were Looking Back at MeGuess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My HeartIf Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On YouKeep Forgettin' I Forgot About YouLiked You Better Before I Knew You So WellGave Her My Heart and a Diamond And She Clubbed Me With a Spade I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go BowlingGoing to Hell in Your Heavenly ArmsIf Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For SureIt Ain't Love But It Ain't BadStill Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' BetterI Wouldn't Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd WinI've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your HeartShe Feels Like A New Man TonightI May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever RaisedIf Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory WillVelcro Arms, Teflon HeartIf You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)Your Negligee Has Turned To a Flannel Nightgown You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You OffYou Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to BlueTouch Me With More Than Your HandsThe Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me"Do You Love As Good As You LookI'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon TonightWho's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time?When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking InMy Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to YouYou Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a LogAnd There was Grandma, Swingin' on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt OnHow Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My
Life?He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone PunkYou're the Reason Our Kids Are So UglyI Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About YouShe Got The Gold Mine and I Got The ShaftCome Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You're Going Against the Grain My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss HimI Changed Her Oil, She Changed My LifeDrop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of LifeThank God And Greyhound She's GoneDon't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Comin' in With a LoadIf You Don't Leave Me Alone I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who WillShe Got The Ring And I Got The FingerI've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare LineBubba Shot the JukeboxI Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me.There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin' for YouFour on the Floor and a Fifth Under the SeatShe Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and OfferGet Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In BedMy John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My HeartThanks To the Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With YouThey May Put Me In Prison But They Can't Stop My Face From Breaking Out
Old Chinese Proverbs Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him.
Man who streaks is unsuited for his work.
Girl who does everything under the sun gets everything sunburned.
Man who places head in sand will get kicked in the end.
Man who gets too big for his britches may get exposed in the end.
Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches rear should not bite fingernails.
Man who sinks into woman's arms soon will find arms in woman's sink.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.
If you want pretty nurse, you must be patient.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Modern house without toilet uncanny.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion.